25 June, 2016
flipping the bird
Unpredictable. Dirty. Chasing after chicks.
No, I am not talking about an intoxicated man walking down Oxford street – I am talking about birds.
So yes, you guessed it. I really dislike birds. I always have.
The worst part is they are literally everywhere. In the sky. On the ground. In aisle 4 (Ok…I don’t mind the chicken variety). I can’t even escape them when watching the AFL – the hawks, the swans, the crows….?!!! (a key reason why I follow the Richmond Tigers….Go the Tigers!!).
Oh and did I mention that I live in Crows Nest?…I. can. not. escape.
I know I sound like a horrible human (trust me, I love animals) – but I just have this deep-seeded fear of birds. I think it may stem from the time my Dad made me watch Alfred Hitchcock’s Birds when I was 7 years old or maybe it is PSD from the time when an Indian miner bird flew into our house when I was 13 years old and babysitting my sisters. It just flapped around. Like a tornado. We just ended up sitting outside for 4 hours until mum and dad came home.
And why do those pesky little Indian miners have to reference ‘indian’ – I am from an indian background and take offence…I don’t want to be associated with that bird. ever.
In my eyes, birds are rats with wings.
They have no respect – defecating on cars, footpaths…on people’s heads.
My most hated bird is the ibis bird – bin divers. prehistoric beaks. walking round Sydney city like they own the place. Oh, and Ibis birds can fly. I found that out recently. If you are lucky enough not to know what an Ibis bird is, here is a picture of one:
Ok enough of ibis birds. That image is making me feel ill.
So, recently I have found myself in a bit of a ‘situation’. We have moved into a new house and every single morning these two rainbow parrots peck (aggressively) on our window. I am still unsure as to why they ONLY visit our window when there are atleast 15 other windows in our vicinity to choose from…
K has really taken to them. He puts on a this weird, cutsey voice when he ‘talks’ to them. He feeds them seeds and honey on bread and sometimes even feeds them my Carmen’s muesli – this makes me angry. K has named them- Picasso and Missy (after Missy Elliot – because apparently she has attitude). Apparently parrots mate for life – so K believes that Picasso & Missy’s love for one another is a symbolic reflection of our love. yuck. no thank you.
Anyways, the ‘situation’ has worsened. Yesterday….FOUR parrots turned up. Picasso and Missy invited some mates over to our window sill. Our window sill was like a small bird park.
K was so so happy…’nix, they are multiplying – they must love us’. correction. they love you.
Don’t get me wrong, I am trying to like them. It is just hard for me. I prefer fur rather than feathers.
He has now built them a bird house….see below…
In my attempt to embrace birds a little more (and to celebrate K’s woodwork skills), I spent some time looking up cool bird feeders (I couldn’t face collecting images of actual bird inspired designs…as that would mean I would have to trawl through images of beady eyes and beaks…)
for those birds who enjoy architecture and design….
(image via mnn)
for birds that enjoy minimalism….
(image via etsy)
for birds with a Scandinavian aesthetic….
(image via willow and stone)
for those birds living in close to the antarctic….
(image via garden supply co)
for birds working on their tan….
(image via the garden glove)
for cashed-up birds….
(image via neatstuff)
for birds who read snow white….
(image via etsy)
and finally for birds who like to get boozed….
(image via pinterest)
OK, I got to fly. All this bird talk has got my feathers ruffled. OK, no more puns.