25 June, 2016

flipping the bird

Unpredictable. Dirty. Chasing after chicks.

No, I am not talking about an intoxicated man walking down Oxford street – I am talking about birds.

So gross.

So yes, you guessed it. I really dislike birds. I always have.

The worst part is they are literally everywhere. In the sky. On the ground. In aisle 4 (Ok…I don’t mind the chicken variety). I can’t even escape them when watching the AFL – the hawks, the swans, the crows….?!!! (a key reason why I follow the Richmond Tigers….Go the Tigers!!).

Oh and did I mention that I live in Crows Nest?…I. can. not. escape.

I know I sound like a horrible human (trust me, I love animals)  – but I just have this deep-seeded fear of birds. I think it may stem from the time my Dad made me watch Alfred Hitchcock’s Birds when I was 7 years old or maybe it is PSD from the time when an Indian miner bird flew into our house when I was 13 years old and babysitting my sisters. It just flapped around. Like a tornado. We just ended up sitting outside for 4 hours until mum and dad came home.

And why do those pesky little Indian miners have to reference ‘indian’ – I am from an indian background and take offence…I don’t want to be associated with that bird. ever.

In my eyes, birds are rats with wings.

They have no respect – defecating on cars, footpaths…on people’s heads.

My most hated bird is the ibis bird – bin divers. prehistoric beaks. walking round Sydney city like they own the place. Oh, and Ibis birds can fly. I found that out recently. If you are lucky enough not to know what an Ibis bird is, here is a picture of one:

s3UdRFr

Ok enough of ibis birds. That image is making me feel ill.

So, recently I have found myself in a bit of a ‘situation’. We have moved into a new house and every single morning these two rainbow parrots peck (aggressively) on our window. I am still unsure as to why they ONLY visit our window when there are atleast 15 other windows in our vicinity to choose from…

K has really taken to them. He puts on a this weird, cutsey voice when he ‘talks’ to them. He feeds them seeds and honey on bread and sometimes even feeds them my Carmen’s muesli – this makes me angry. K has named them- Picasso and Missy (after Missy Elliot – because apparently she has attitude). Apparently parrots mate for life – so K believes that Picasso & Missy’s love for one another is a symbolic reflection of our love. yuck. no thank you.

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Anyways, the ‘situation’ has worsened. Yesterday….FOUR parrots turned up. Picasso and Missy invited some mates over to our window sill. Our window sill was like a small bird park.

bird

K was so so happy…’nix, they are multiplying – they must love us’. correction. they love you.

Don’t get me wrong, I am trying to like them. It is just hard for me. I prefer fur rather than feathers.

He has now built them a bird house….see below…

Screen Shot 2016-06-23 at 8.36.09 pm

In my attempt to embrace birds a little more (and to celebrate K’s woodwork skills), I spent some time looking up cool bird feeders (I couldn’t face collecting images of actual bird inspired designs…as that would mean I would have to trawl through images of beady eyes and beaks…)

bird house

for those birds who enjoy architecture and design….

(image via mnn)

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for birds that enjoy minimalism….

(image via etsy)

bird house

for birds with a Scandinavian aesthetic….

(image via willow and stone)

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for those birds living in close to the antarctic….

(image via garden supply co)

bird feeder

for birds working on their tan….

(image via the garden glove)

5c6989db37d73a535552895c9c8f5731

for cashed-up birds….

(image via neatstuff)

bird

for birds who read snow white….

(image via etsy)

bird feeder

and finally for birds who like to get boozed….

(image via pinterest)

OK, I got to fly. All this bird talk has got my feathers ruffled. OK, no more puns.

nikita

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